As I grow older, I realize more and more that life is a long unforeseen path. I have this image of my life being a narrow trail in a deep, black forest. I can only see the few steps in front of me if I'm lucky. It get's scary at times and there are always voices off the trail tempting me to walk the wrong way and to get lost in the darkness. However something deep within me keeps me on the trail, despite my frustration and desire to run toward the scary voices.
I recently left a season of reflection. Looking back on how far I've come on my trail thus far, I can see now that I've made it through lots of fork-in-the-roads. I may be young but I have overcome a lot of adversity and have had to make a lot of difficult choices. The decision-making moments are always the hardest. When you can only see the few steps ahead on either side of the fork, both sides seem daunting.
Sometimes one side appears to have an extra glow to it and the other has lots of scary voices at its entrance. Sometimes you have to be brave and sometimes you have to give up things you really love. All the forks I've passed along the way so far have led me to where I am now. I'm not ashamed to say that I'm proud of how far I have come. I'm proud of the hard decisions I've had to sort through.
In this season, I find myself at another fork in the road. I feel stuck at a standstill. So much time has been spent looking down at my feet, at the few steps ahead of me or back at how far I've come. I have completely forgotten to look up. To lift my head and gaze at where I'm going.
I recently decided to make a decision, and now I'm looking up. My steps require more caution, but I'm getting comfortable gazing forward and my steps are getting easier as I keep going. I can't tell exactly what I'm looking at or how far away it is. It's like a light at the end of the tunnel. I know it's light, I know its good, and I know if I keep going down this path I'll eventually reach it and discover what it is. I have a feeling it's better, brighter and more unimaginable than I can fathom.
I heard someone say the other day that "God is good. Good is good to me, and God is good at being God." Three very elementary phrases in a Believer's life, but how foundational are those three phrases? Without those three phrases, I wonder what our faith is standing on.
Fork-in-the-roads are terrifying. Dark trails and scary voices loom over us and lure us in with their tempting offers. I can't tell you how many times I want to run away into their promises, but I stay because I know following those voices leads me deep into the dark woods, and I'll find myself lost in no time.
Control is what kept me at my most recent standstill. I knew making this decision required me admitting that I liked being in control. "God is good and God is good to me," I told myself for so long. However, I was terrible at letting God be good at being God. Control is something we all like to hold onto. When you're walking in a deep, dark forest called life it feels pretty good to have something to hold onto - a flashlight or something. You have no idea where you're going, you're staring at your feet trying not to trip, trying to navigate the trails, but you're trying too hard.
My most recent fork required me to give up a ton of control. It required me to look up from the ground, into the pitch black and say "God you are good at being You." I am weak. No matter how hard I try or clench to my flashlight of control, I will never be able to reach that unimaginable glowing point down the path. I NEED God to be God. I need to let him be Him. I need to let him grab me by the hand and pull me full speed ahead into what He has down His trail.
I stay on the path because God is good. I trust the path because God is good to me. I look confidently up and ahead, because I believe that God is good at being God, and He will lead me where I need to be. I have a feeling it's better, brighter and more unimaginable than I can fathom.