I Am Worth More...

“I am worth more than your manipulative words.”

I have found it to be one of the hardest things on earth to understand my own worth and strength. And after about a year of deep healing and learning, I think I have finally been able to grasp just a small portion of this truth. It is easiest to me to sit and list off my failures, my insecurities, my weaknesses, and my scars (internal and external). 

When dwelling on scars for too long, I find myself slipping back into the state of mind that slams the words “should have, could have” against my brain over and over again. This state of being is dangerous. It traps you in the endless cycle of self-hatred and unhealthy perfectionism – my two biggest foes, yet my two easiest downfalls.

But despite the weaknesses I continue to strengthen, reflecting on my growth as an individual is pretty cool.

I’ve been learning to write positive “I am” statements. They don’t come easy and they don’t come often, but they do come, and they are bold and strong. I am bold and strong. I have been, and I am learning to love myself like Jesus loves me: unconditionally. 

See, Jesus doesn’t view us as broken vessels, as the dust we were formed from. Papa God views his creation as his children – his masterpiece. It’s quite a revolutionary discovery, to know and comprehend that the one who formed every fiber of your being, calls you His. He does not look at the behavior you exude or the mistakes you make and pin them to you or add them to your character. No, He throws it into the midst of the sea, never fishing for it again.

His love is reckless. Chasing down each and every one of his sheep, waiting for them to turn to their papa, their good and kind God. 

Stand at the edge of the ocean at night. Let the mighty roaring of the waves overwhelm you. Let the brilliance in the outlining of the clouds engulf your vision. And let the foam on the edge of each wave blind you because of the moon’s reflection. Let the entire masterpiece and the galaxy above you fill up your chest with wonder in each breath you take. Lie down underneath the green and blue Auroras as they dance to the praises you sing of the One who set them in motion. Force your friends to immerse their bodies into the freezing cold Arctic Ocean just to feel that specific part of the earth that He designed. Stand at the foot of a mountain snow-capped or green and mossy and just marvel in its might. Then stand at the top of that same mountain, look out at all that is below and realize how small you are, not insignificant, just small, each creation living and breathing with a purpose.

It’s beautiful, isn’t it? The colors that mesh and form as the sun rises and falls. The unreal blue that is the water rapidly flowing through the country of Iceland.

And if it is true that each and every one of these things has beauty and purpose, how could you, a child of God, walk around aimlessly, stay busy, or ignore the call of your maker. You are His most prized possession, and he has called you His. Go and preach of the wonders around you. Basking in his glory. Because he loves you. He loves me, and I am cherished and cared for.

All in all a masterpiece – that is who I am.

“Here I am, Lord, send me!” Isaiah 6:8

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