Three Year Poem

Three Year Poem

I think to myself all the time 

about love 

what a crime it is

a selfish selfish crime 

to fall in love

a drug

a vice

an addiction 

I understand now

how dangerous

it destroys

it thrives

it's everywhere

you can be in love

you can spread love

you can feel love

you can be loved

you love

just like I love

but you didn't love me

like I was in love with you 

you ruined my emotions 

and pushed me somewhere i've never been 

felt things i've never felt

did things I never did

love did destroy me

and I still can't find all the pieces of myself

the ones you took from me

they're scattered in places i don't dare venture

but if I happen to stumble upon those pieces

in the smoldering fields of where 

my happiness use to lay 

I would light a match 

and watch the whole thing go down in flames

because you can't hurt me anymore 

your words are just as empty as this bottle 

and just as empty as you left me 

I don't feel the emptiness as often now

you took that with you 

the only empty I yearn to fill 

are the missing thoughts 

you used to fill with your lies

why did you take so much? 

I gave until there wasn't anything to give 

and you took until you couldn't no more 

I love you

three words I can't force myself to say anymore 

because you don't say things you don't mean 

didn't your mother raise you better?

because now i'm here at 6:43 in the morning

contemplating my entire life existence 

and all the human entity that i surround myself with 

now isn't it crazy what love can do?

love heals all wounds 

after I thought no more salt could be poured 

into the gaping hole in my heart,

im okay 

because I love me 

and I was put here for a reason 

I do have a reason and you were too selfish to see it 

to caught up in your own aura 

to see that mine was slowly disintegrating

you taught me how to heal wounds 

that you're words created

in the end of it all 

I don't regret you 

i've truly learned 

that not everyone has the same heart as me 

but i'll sit back and wait 

wait to see you and who you become 

i've been in your mind 

I know how you think 

and how you feel 

I hope the best for you 

I see the best in you

but you sit back 

and you watch 

watch me do me 

better than i've ever done me before

because i'm who I couldn't be when I was with you 

and i've never been a happier me 

so continue and watch as I grow

into the beautiful young woman 

that I was truly aspired to be 

and you can choose to grow alongside me 

or continue to wilt into the nothingness you've become

I refuse to stop until I thrive off my own happiness 

until all traces of you are gone 

I have to continue to pump my heart 

so I can get rid of the pain you caused me 

and move on 

slowly but surely 

all remaining traces of my body 

that you're soul and mind have touched 

and where your fingers softly caressed my skin 

will finally be set free 

from the chains you had my feet bound too 

but thank you 

for the endless supply of advice and generosity 

that I so solemnly do have now

because of what you've done to me 

you molded me into who i am today 

watch me as i bask in my own glory 

because you chose to destroy 

the one person who would willingly give you her world

but ill make a bet with you

you're never going to find anyone like me 

and you're never going to find 

someone with this endless amount of overflowing love

I somehow still have 

pure bliss 

the true perfection of happiness 

and to think you could have came along for the ride

quite some beautiful scenery on these back roads

twisting and slicing through the forest

see that sunrise in the distance? 

it glows with radiance 

just like i finally learned how to do 

and i did it with no ones help but my own 

and that's how i know you can make it too 

sit back and enjoy the smooth ride while you can 

because when it all hits the fan 

don't come crawling back to me 

my welcome mat is up and i want my keys back 

you can turn around 

walk back where you came from 

and figure it out the hard way 

learn to grow up and be a man 

and not a child

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