The "Should" Thing
The reason I wrote this article is that I have so much to share.
I want women to feel strong and empowered. Not strong to carry heavy weights', no. I want them to be strong enough to be able to leave the man who is not making them happy, so they would not let anyone put them down, were self-contained, independent and full of self-respect. So that they would not be afraid of loneliness, so that they would love and respect themselves hard enough that no one could ever disrespect them humiliate them or make them feel insecure. So that they would not cry over a man who left them for another woman and blame themselves. So that they could improve their inner and outer beauty, would know what they deserve and would stop thinking that the worst pain ever is an unrequited love, and that the biggest goal of life is to get married. Finally, I want them to let go of common stereotypes and be able to separate what they could do and what they should do.
What we could do is, choose between making a career or making babies. What we could do is either search for a serious relationship or just stick with a one night dates. What we could do is cover our bodies or show them off. And of course, the classic: to get married until 40 or to stay single. These are not the things that we should do. These are the things that we decide we want or not. And this is just how it is: we are free to make whatever choices we want and live our lives however we want to, because we can. Women have the right to choose and work and have equality since long time ago, but the main question is - why are we still controlled and judged by society? Why do we still feel that these are the things that we should do? Even though we’ve been given a choice, why do we still feel that we do not have it? Why are we should-ing all over ourselves?
It is not just peer pressure but it also seems to be coming from within. And here is the key – the only thing that we should do is know that we do have a choice and feel free to say it aloud to anyone who forgot that. It could be parents with their classic “But you’re a girl! You should know how to cook, you should find yourself a man, and you should get married”. It could be your man saying what your “female job” should be. It could be any regular person should-ing at you, and the only thing you should do is know that you do not owe anything to anyone just because you are a female, and feel free to remind that to others who forgot.
Every time my father or my mother or anybody were telling me what a female should do, I would always say, “Stop should-ing at me! I can make my own choices”. You do not owe anything to anyone, you only owe one thing to yourself – you should love yourself and know, and always remember – you have a choice and you should not let anyone else take it from you, and I mean anyone. Do not let people to make you think as if you should do anything if you are a female. (Disclaimer - I did not forget about guys).
Do not be afraid to speak up. They will not like because they are used to women feeling like there are still things that women “should” do. Be the first one, or the next one who speaks up and proves them all wrong. Be the woman who would make “stop the should-ing” a movement. Be that kind of a woman.