AnonymousComment

Pain, Abuse, Molestation Does Not Define You

AnonymousComment
Pain, Abuse, Molestation Does Not Define You

I’ve had a hard time deciding if I wanted to write what you're about to read, but if I can be a voice for the voiceless, that's all that matters. 

As I grew up I faced many challenges as a young Latina. As a child I was taught that it was alright for a male to “discipline” you if you made a mistake. Discipline was taught harshly in my upbringing. Some examples of “discipline” would be getting your head smashed into a wall for accidentally breaking something while washing dishes or getting beaten with a wire because you didn't clean your room good enough. I remember these days. I was left with scars that would never heal, physically and emotionally. And the sad part about all of this was I could never tell anyone. I was left in the middle of 2 walls without anyone to run to.

Close family and friends would watch and never helped. After time and time again “I’m sorry” wasn’t good enough anymore. The physical abuse happened constantly and since I was told it was “discipline” and that I deserved it, I was put into a manipulating mental state. I began to have so much hate in my heart even though I was always a loving person. I couldn’t forgive all the unacceptable abuse I had received for so long. I became so distant for this reason and while I did, everyone asked why. Not only have I endured a lot of physical abuse in my life but I also experienced a lot of sexual abuse as a child. I had a family member molest me over and over again. I couldn’t tell my mother at the time because I was threatened. Growing up suffering from a lot of negative experiences really took a tole on me. On the outside I seemed like a normal person. I always got good grades in school. I never fell into drugs, and I wasn’t much of a trouble maker either, but when I say that I struggled with mental issues... I mean it. I found myself crying every single day because I felt like the pain would never stop. I felt all alone in this world.

Nobody to turn to, nobody to trust. Everyone that I wanted to trust either pushed me away or hurt me. So imagine a young girl dealing with this all on her own. Not only was growing up with this hard, but my relationships were horrible. I attracted toxic men and with that came along bad relationships. I had a very abusive and manipulating boyfriend, and I couldn’t do anything nor talk to anyone about it due to fear. I was pushed, threatened, choked and even when I tried to get away, I couldn’t. I was completely and utterly manipulated. I grew up thinking everything I had gone through was what I deserved; since that was what the people in my life led me to believe. Until one day I finally said “I’m done”. I’m done with letting this be a pattern to my life. This doesn’t define me. I’m more then a punching bag or some object that any male can just do whatever they want with. Nobody should be! I’m still learning to love myself and let people that truly care about me into my life. I’m learning my worth and how a woman shouldn’t ever have to live in fear. No man should feel the need to lay a hand on you. Women, we are beautiful and fragile individuals that need to be cherish for who we are. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. You aren’t alone if you are suffering with any type of abuse! We need to protect each other, and need to be there for one another. Let’s stop the process and be a role model for our daughters or sisters.