My Depression Battle
Depression can be a stressful, heartbreaking topic for each person to talk about, It feels like you are drained with constant stress, tears, inconsistent sleeping schedules and overall feeling overpowered by what's making you feel so shut down. I remember as a very young child at the age of 8. I remember feeling so different I couldn't understand at a very young age yet I knew it was something to try and forget what I feel. But as a continued I remember just facing difficult times sleeping, couldn't stop crying day and night and knowing that I was still very young and I couldn't gather the real reasons why I was feeling this way.
Growing up it was hard, I remember just being so pushed back in a corner and consistently feeling so much pressure. It was a setback for me to feel just powerless, drained out from enjoying happiness, and feeling like I had no one to turn to at the time. I knew that depression really did hit me once I transitioned into middle school. It was a hard time for me and I remember just feeling very shut down by everything that was attacking at me at once with feeling hopeless, feeling ashamed of myself and knowing that I couldn't forget how I felt everyday going to bed and waking up in the morning. It was a constant reminder why I felt so upset and why i couldn't focus on the things that make me happy. I knew that it pushed me away from making friends, feeling loved and starting new relationships. Fast forward two years later at the last year of middle school it really hurt me, depression began sinking and drowning me into thoughts I shouldn't be thinking. Thoughts that kept coming back to you and you couldn't forget them and you couldn't feel happy whenever there was a moment of happiness or any form of way to make someone's day a bit better.
I remember just feeling constantly betrayed by the people I kept letting into my life and I knew I couldn't keep letting someone in. I always felt cornered and just every time I put time in I felt like it wasn't working and I wouldn't understand why people looked at me differently. I felt left out and not knowing how to figure myself out, what did I want and what did I want to do and what is the only way to make me feel like I can do something.
I knew that didn't stop me from trying to be happy, to recover myself and to fix the broken pieces people kept destroying. I knew that depression was something someone can't just forget, let go and or allow it to be misplaced. It's always going to be part of you, it's always going to be setting you back in the hardest parts of life but it's always gonna remind you to be stronger, to be happier and to be who you are. Each person deserves a voice, to be part of the world and not feeling against people especially against the world. Each person deserves every ounce of happiness and not only that but the chance to change things, to make changes to who they are not individual is perfect and or has a good story. But we all have a way of being who we are people may not accept it even for me I never was accepted but I know every person out there deserves to be loved, to be cared about and to be recognized not only for what they are but who they are as a person that makes them special.
I knew that I faced a lot at a young age and facing depression for over 7 years from that age. I knew that I learned a lot from my past, my constant struggle and to the times where I couldn't do anything to stop myself from being upset. I knew that there is always something out there to make you happy, a person, a moment, and even just the littlest things make a whole new change. I knew that once I met the right people and are still part of my life today shaped me to be better. I may still struggle with depression but it doesn't stop me from enjoying the littlest moments of happiness. Having the people part of my life today give me reasons and lessons to be stronger. Each lesson I've faced I took it as a lesson to be happier, to make changes to myself and to improve as a person.
Everyday I knew that I could still feel upset, beat down and shut down but it never took away the heart and ears i'm willing to give someone and knowing that no one is ever alone. Everyone has the ability to be happy and to be stronger as an individual. People will hurt you, beat you down to the point where you can't do anything, feel helpless and feeling completely damaged. There is always someone out there who will be better, everyday is a fresh new start and I learned so much in the hardest ways possible and I knew that it never took away my chance to be happy.
Depression sucks, and still does, but sometimes it does shape you to the person you are today and it becomes a huge life lesson to make you the person you deserve to be.