My name is Amelia (Mia) Smith and I am sixteen years old. I am an extremely crazy, weird, and adventurous person, but I’m also an extremely insecure person. Or at least I used to be.
I reached the peak of my insecurity when I moved to North Carolina, just about three years ago. When I lived in Wisconsin, I lived at the college my dad worked at, and it was there that I felt safe. I felt accepted and never felt like people were judging me. When I moved here, it was a completely different story. I wasn’t used to the busy southern lifestyle and culture. I thought that in general, people down here were much, much more focused on externals rather than what’s on the inside of a person. Don’t get me wrong, I love the people down here, but there was something to say for all the drama I’ve witnessed (and been apart of) and all the judgmental looks I’ve gotten and the universal theme of being popular and pretty is what is most important. This all scared me very, very much. To me, I wasn’t pretty or popular or like most other girls around here. I was Mia. The crazy girl, who a lot of times doesn’t know when to stop talking, who tends to make things a little more awkward than they need to be, who will go up to a random person and have a full length conversation with them just because she wants to, or will even shove an ice cream cone into someone’s face that she hasn’t even met yet. I also didn’t fit the “profile” of someone like that. I’ve always thought I have a big nose and too many freckles. I never have really liked my brown hair because it’s boring to me. I’ve pretty much always been overweight. And those right there were just a few of my biggest insecurities.
When I was six years old I was diagnosed with a disorder called hypothyroidism. Without getting into too much detail, pretty much what that meant for me was that my thyroid (which controls my hormones and some developmental processes) and my metabolism (which controls my weight) did not work almost at all. I had an extreme case of hypothyroidism, which is why it has affected me and my body so much. Without my medicine, I could easily dip into deep depression and also gain multiple pounds, even within just one week. So obviously, my days are always a little rougher if I forget to take it in the morning. I let this disorder and my insecurities overtake my whole entire life. I moved from place to place on a day to day basis always thinking about what other people thought of me, what other people were saying about me. Do they like me? Do they think my outfit is cute? Maybe they think since I’m overweight I’m not pretty. Or maybe since I have braces at sixteen they think I’m super weird and lame. This is something that I’m not proud to admit. I hate that I spent even a little part of my life constantly doubting myself and the way God made me.
After spending about two years in North Carolina being extremely depressed and insecure, although it seems obvious, I finally realized that this was not the way I should be living my life.
One thing you should know about me is that my faith is the most important thing to me. (Now, before you exit this screen and turn your computer off, please know I am not trying to push religion on you. It’s just an important part of the story) The two years I spent being depressed, I also spent doubting God and doubting His existence. I wondered why he would let me feel this way and why he wasn’t doing anything to “fix me”. After-all, isn’t God supposed to be this great guy who loves us and looks after us and protects us all the time? Well, yeah he is, but one thing I realized is that God is not going to just magically fix my broken spirit. He isn’t going to say, “Oh, Mia is having a really rough time right now, so I’m going to make her happy again and make her skinny and pretty like she wants.” I have to seek God out and ask Him to help me. I realized that all this time I was depending on myself to get better, and I was depending on other people to fulfill my need for acceptance and love, when in reality, God could provide all of that for me and more.
In realizing that, I also came to the realization that what other people think about me does NOT define who I am. You should repeat that aloud because it’s so true. I encourage you if you’re reading this and you find it relatable, please don’t ever feel like because people may not approve of you or your personality that means you are lesser or not as good as anyone else. Now I have gained the understanding that everyone is different. Literally every single person is unique in their own way, and what, because they’re not like you or me we judge them for that? We should be embracing each other’s differences rather than putting each other down for them.
So this is me. I’m weird and I’m super hyper about 90% of the time, and I can sometimes be super, super loud, but I accept that about myself, and I accept that other people may not accept that. I accept that I may not look the part of what society says is beautiful, but I do believe that I am beautiful. And not because of any makeup or clothes I wear or because of how I do my hair, but because God made me, and God makes every single person on this earth perfectly without mistake. This was also humbling for me because the same people I condemned for judging me, I realized were being judged by me through me assuming their whole focus was on their looks and popularity. I had to see that although people may look confident in themselves and seem to have it altogether on the outside (just like I did), every person has their own insecurities and struggles, and because of that, rather than labeling them as materialistic or shallow, I should accept them and love them just the way they are, just as we all should for every single person we cross paths with.
Instagram : miarsmith
Instagram : mirasmith