That I hate you but I still love you love.. That no matter how much I loved him, he was still no good for me love. We sometimes allow love to blind us to settle for something we believe is what we want.... eventually you'll have to overcome that "love" because sometimes "love" isn't real love. I struggled with my first love because of trust. Too much trust can really mess you up in the head. Funny how love can turn into hate so quick.. You want to hate them for all the pain they've cost you, but somehow it just seems so impossible to hate that one special person. I did things for him I never did for anyone else. I let things fly past me that I never allowed. I didn't want to let him go because, I didn't want anybody else to have him. Madly in love with someone so deceiving.

I'm not going to act like I was never happy, but I was only happy because I didn't know he was giving someone else the same attention he was giving me. My first time ever getting cheated on changed me forever. Might not change my outlook on love forever, but it definitely showed me what different types of guys are out there. I really don't care what anyone says, if you hurt someone you "love" it's not real love. Mistakes happen but when you allow someone to continue to hurt you they will continue doing it because they KNOW you'll stay. Never ever allow someone get comfortable with hurting you. There's enough love in the world to walk away from toxic relationships. I was so hurt that I started hurting my self and others close to me. I turned to drugs to take away the pain.. To make me forget what I was dealing with. It never helped it just changed me as a person, and made our relationship worse. Eventually I had to let him go. As much as I loved him EVEN after all he's done to me. I HAD to let him go. Till this very same day I still love him to death, and always will but sometimes just loving each other isn't enough to make it work.

If anyone can relate to my story, please know you are not alone. We are all strong, and powerful females, never get consumed by something so toxic for you and your life. Life is too short for sorrow. 

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