I have this fear. It gives me anxiety just thinking about it. My stomach feels uneasy. My palms feel clammy, and my feet numb. I'm terrified of driving. One of the hardest things I have ever had to overcome. I'm afraid of hitting someone or something. The idea or thought of dying or killing someone crosses my mind every time I climb into a car. Whether I'm a passenger, or the driver. My fear started after I got into an accident last November. When the accident occurred, I was scared, I was confused, and I was worried about the other driver.
I was leaving a restaurant with my dad and grandpa shortly before the accident happened. I gave my dad a hug and bye before climbing into my car. I turned on the radio to hear one of my favorite songs "Forever" by Kari Jobe. I started to sing along "The moon and stars they wept. The morning sun was dead. The Saviour of the world was fallen. His body on the cross. His blood poured out for us. The weight of every curse...you....pop..oooo.....nnn..." ........(SMASH)......................... Tires screeching. Windows breaking. Taillights gazing. My head throbbing. Sirens whaling. People running. Was this real? No...it couldn't be. Me? In an accident? I slowly opened my eyes but I couldn't see anything. Smoke covered my window like a powdery white blanket of snow. Airbags reeked a horrendous smell. Every little button that existed on my dashboard lit up like a Christmas tree. I couldn't tell what I should do. My mind spun a million ways, I couldn't think. Vividly, but quietly, I could hear "Forever" by Kari Jobe playing amongst the chaos.
As I slowly got out of the car a witness came up to me asking if I was ok. It took me awhile to realize that he was talking to me, because I was in shock from the impact of the collision. Two EMT's approached me, scanning me head-to-toe looking for unusual bumps, bruises, or any lacerations or cuts. I told them I was fine. They then asked me if anything hurt. All I told them was that my head head aches from when I banged it on the car window when I was hit. I also told them that my face hurt and my body ached a little; but they said that was normal because of the impact from airbag when it hit me. After they checked my out, one of the EMT's walked me over to the side walk where my dad was, and he told me to wait here for the police officer to show up. He then walked over to the other driver and began to examine her and the other passenger who was in the car. I looked over at the other driver and noticed that they had a small laceration or cut on their hand; which was probably most likely from the airbag when it jetted out on the impact from the accident.
I struggle dealing with and managing my time and patience daily. The 10 or 15 minutes it took the police officer to arrive on-scene, was equivalent to hours of constant fidgeting and waiting. The officer approached. I could feel my palms sweating, and my knees shaking. I was terrified. This was my first accident, unless you count the time I backed into my neighbor's truck, which I don't. "License and registration please", proclaimed the officer. I handed him my license and told him that my registration was in the glove box in my car. The officer glanced over at the car and the looked back at me. His eyes looking straight through me. I didn't know what to think. I was speechless and wordless. He then turned and went through the same procedure with the other driver. At the same time my dad and grandpa arrived at the scene. I felt bad and guilty, because both of them missed the Duke Women's Basketball game, where they were playing at home. My dad helped exchange insurances with the other driver, who seemed pretty pissed about the whole accident. The drive home was one of the worst car rides ever. My head throbbing. My entire body ached like I was Muhammad Ali's punching bag. The world was literally revolving around me. My head was an orbiting planet in the solar system of life.
Even though I was found at fault for the accident, (I won't go into details why) it has taught me to be a better driver, and to be more aware of what's around me when I drive alone, or with other people in the car. The collision from the accident has left me feeling scared, confused, and worried for the other drivers; whom which I share the road with. The impact I've sustained is that life is short. Life should not be gambled away or taken for granted. I pledge to live my life to the fullest, because I will never know what can happen within a second, or a blink of an eye.
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