The Word "Love"
The word “love” should be used carefully considering how strong of a word it is. An experience i've been through made me realize that it is possible for this word to be used incorrectly.
After having my heart broken in the past it took me a year to put it back together and to want to try again. After putting so much time and effort into someone and it all going to waste, it takes some time to want to start again. Ever since my first heartbreak I told myself I will not go out of my way to find love, but for love to find me.
I met countless people this summer and out of all of them one individual impacted my life… and it all happened in one night. “I’ve never bonded with someone so well”, are the exact words I texted my best friend the following morning. It was like meeting myself in a male figure. We laughed at the same things, listened to the same music, and agreed on so many things it was like this person was the other half of me. It all started because of that night and I ended up spending the rest of my summer with him. Day by day the feelings grew stronger and it was unstoppable. I had the best summer of my life thanks to this boy. We did so much in two months it was like everyday was another adventure. Summer flew by so fast August 18th came out of nowhere. August 18th was the date I was hoping would never come and I wish it never had. It was the day he left for college. During our relationship we lived life in the moment without stressing about the future. We tried ignoring the conversation of him leaving for college as much as possible because the thought of the absence of one another hurt so bad. Neither of us have been in a long distance relationship and we decided to try it out. We went from seeing each other every day to not seeing each other at all. While I was stuck in Apex my boyfriend was at ECU having the time of his life. It didn't bother me that he was out partying because I loved to hear that he was having fun. Not being within 20 miles of each other left me crying myself to sleep most nights, but you do anything for the people you love. My mom always told me that absence grows the heart fonder and I truly believed that.
After a week of texting everyday and telling each other how much we miss and love one another I decided to drive down to Greenville and visit. Hearing his voice and physically being able to hold on as tight as I could made all the pain I went through during that week worth it. Laying in bed with him after spending all night together I started crying due to a bad feeling. I had a feeling that he didn't want to be together anymore because I was not getting as much reassurance as I needed. He told me that I was strong. He told me he was proud of the woman I was becoming. And he told me to not let my world stop spinning.
The day after I got home I received the “we need to talk” text. That bad feeling came back again. My anxiety started kicking in. It felt as if there was twice the weight of my body sitting on my chest. After talking on the phone he decided its better off if we weren't together. He told me that he was too in love, he wanted to focus on college without worrying about me or making a mistake he could never take back. He kept telling me he loved me… but you don't give up on someone you love. It killed to hear these words come out of his mouth especially when I thought id never hear him say it. As I tried to move on he kept pulling me back. He kept telling me he loves me, he misses me, i'm one in a kind, and i'm the girl he will marry, but I still wasn't good enough for him. After all the pain he caused me I still would do anything for him because you care for the people you love. One night he asked me to take him back, he missed me, and he claimed he loved me. I couldn't trust him but I was still put under the impression that I was his. Next morning I received the same “we need to talk” text. He had made a mistake and thought I had the right to know about it. I received a text with the words, “i've hooked up with someone else”, and “I love you” in the same message. Just when I thought my heart couldn't break anymore, it completely shattered. My world stopped spinning. You don't hurt the people you love. You don't lie to the people you love. And you don't give up on the people you love. I wrote this to prove a point that the word or words “I love you” should not be tossed around. Next time, think twice before you tell someone you love them and make sure you truly mean it.
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