Why I Chose To Be Abstinent
Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” 1 Corinthians 6:18
My mom and I are really close and talk very openly about guys. She’s always encouraged abstinence and for me to move really slowly. Being a bit more of a nerdy tomboy personality wise I still can’t imagine how all these people just have sex with each other. My father is a pathological liar and never loved his family, so he is not really in the picture. So that made a big impact on me waiting for a respectable man to marry. I know how to see the warning signs in a relationship and I learned that every girl can get into a bad relationship. Our culture has become something nasty, and most kids aren’t aware that it is unhealthy. Nowadays, boys and girls are so desensitized because of the sexual content from TV, pornographic content, social media, and the internet that they are starting to respect girls less and less. As a christian teenager I try my best to steer myself far away from that.
I don’t believe that just because a guy calls me beautiful a couple of times and acts like a gentleman grants him access to my body. Boys have lied to me and called me names and put me down in the hopes that my self esteem will drop low enough to sleep with them. Over time I learned that boys show their true colors when sex is not in the picture. Self love led me to know that I will not give myself away to just anyone.
“You’re so pretty, how are you a virgin?!”
“You don’t look like a virgin.”
“Whaaat?! How are YOU a virgin?!”
I have heard those words a countless amount of times. Being a virgin doesn’t mean that you are undesirable. It doesn’t mean that you’re weird, or an outcast. An abstinent person doesn’t look a certain way. Being attractive does not mean that you are stupid or promiscuous. Having sex appeal does not mean that you get around. People use the word “virgin” as being an insult, but why? Personally I think that it is incredibly unattractive when people sleep around. I’m not saving myself for someone that’s been getting with tons of girls and then thinks he can get at me too.
Self respect is not talked about anymore. Usually I see women saying, “ My body is my property and I can sleep with whoever I want to.” Your body is your property, but that doesn’t mean that any guy should have you if he pleases. Your body is not a public restroom for guys to come in and relieve themselves. Guys should be assuming that we’re not going to sleep with them not that we would. Just because you have a boyfriend doesn't mean that you have to give him sex. It's not your duty as a girlfriend, he should be able to enjoy your company without sex being involved. Beware of boys that say “I love you” too easily. Most of them will say anything and they’re counting on you to be stupid enough to fall for it. It’s very easy to get stuck in a relationship when sex is involved.If the boy you like listens to raunchy music or watches pornographic content then that says a lot about his view on women. A boy I dated viewed us as a competition, not a partnership. He did not like me doing well in school or booking a modeling/acting job. I’m going to wait for someone that is attracted to my strengths not intimidated by them.
Being a young actress/model in Los Angeles can be tough, I’m surrounded by bad influences on the daily. I’ve been mocked because I am saving myself plenty of times. All of my past relationships were situations where the boy never respected me. Yes, they all seemed nice at first ,but by the time it was all said and done, each time I thought, “Oh, he doesn’t care about me.” Don’t do anything that you would regret. Relationships are so temporary most of the time. You should be able to think to yourself “Thank God I never slept with him”. I’m not friends with any of my ex boyfriends. I have not told one boy that I loved him. I have had a lot of guys dm me or hit me up to hang. I try to always be very guarded when it comes to guys thinking they might expect me to have sex with them eventually. I like being just friends with guys; but it’s like most of them don’t seem to value girls as friends. Eventually I decided to not concern myself with boys too much and instead just really really work on my career.
Being abstinent is actually empowering. Know your worth and love yourself. God wants you to be a reflection of him .Conduct yourself like the person you are trying to attract. There are plenty of great guys out there that know how to treat a girl right, they still exist, I promise. I happen to know a few. ;)
Cover Photo By : Steven Wetherbee Photography