When I was in the 6th grade my best friend committed suicide, and I was the one to find her body. On top of all of that I was blackmailed by her mother to not tell anyone because she was ashamed of what her daughter did. So I kept to myself and told no one. I became severely depressed, I stared cutting myself, and struggled with panic attacks on the daily. But I didn’t want anyone to know that I was in pain. So I would suppress my feelings. Every day at school I would fake a smile, I would act as if I was the happiest girl in the world. I would fake it to the point where I even believed it myself. I remember having this feeling of constant guilt. I felt guilty for feeling sad, guilty for harming myself, guilty for pushing people away. I felt as if my emotions weren’t valid or important. Every time I would feel down or would be triggered into a panic attack I felt crazy. I thought I was losing my mind.
This went on for almost 5 years. Finally in my junior year I had a mental break down and my parents forced me to seek help. I started counseling and was diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder, ADD, and PTSD. I began to realize that I’m not crazy, I went through something really painful. I realized that I should never feel guilty for feeling what I felt. And my advice to you is don’t ever apologize for feeling sad. You aren’t being too sensitive. You aren’t imagining things or being overdramatic. You’re being true to yourself by honoring your emotions, and that is never something you have to be ashamed of. Whether you have a need that isn’t being met, an old would that that’s been reopened, a person in your life that who is making you feel small, a painful memory of something from the past, or an emptiness from the loss of someone you care about – there is always something underlying our sadness, and whatever it is, it’s important and valid. Whatever it is it deserves to be expressed and felt.