"That self doubt that creeps in and swiftly turns into depression."
I suffered depression for a year almost, and it literally took away my happiness. I was living in a world of darkness. I became so engulfed in being so down and sad over things that I became a person that was completely mad at the world, as well as with God, always walking around with hate in my heart. I would randomly cry, the random mood swings became so hard to control, not eating, or eating too little. I woke up with dark circles under my eyes and angry all the time. People would ask me if I'm okay. Of course I hid it behind a fake smile just to keep people out of my business. They just ended up thinking I was tired. I lost interest in hanging out with people, I always wanted to be alone, in the dark where I felt whole. Being in bed, locked away in my room, sleeping my life away or waking up in the middle of the night and staying up crying for no reason. My room became my hide away from everything that had gotten to me or bothered me mentally and emotionally. Always fussing out people or catching attitudes. My sister would always nag to me about how I had so much hate in the world and it hurt me for her to say that because she didn't understand what was going on. Neither did my mom. My mom would constantly yell at me about my behavior and my attitude, and all I could do was cry because I didn't know how to tell her how I had been feeling and why. I didn't understand why I had gotten to that point myself. I was confused. It wasn't until later in the year until the doctor had diagnosed me with depression. I had already knew what I was dealing with. I already knew I wasn't the same happy person I used to be, but actually being diagnosed really affected me and I felt hopeless and emptier. I tried talking to counselors at school, they didn't seem to care, and I turned to other people because it was hard for me to speak to family and friends about it but when I did I felt like I had people finally in my life that actually understood and cared. Depression made me feel like nobody cared about me. But I didn't give up. The doctors told me that I can overcome this, and I would do all that I could to become happy again. I would not let depression take over my life. I started going to talk to social workers to deal with my issues they had wanted to put me on medication but my mother knew I could go without and I can say that I am happier than ever. All because I believed God would carry me through, I know that I am forgiven for my doubt in Him, and realized that He didn't put through this not knowing I would conquer it and come out stronger than before. I couldn't be more thankful for my family who was right by my side to help me.
Whatever that you may be feeling low about, anything that is currently bothering you and you feel like it's eating you whole. Don't let it. Don't let your doubtful thoughts get into the way of what's really true. Strive for happiness always, whatever you may do at life. Always make sure you keep a smile on your face. We all go through things, but remember we only go through these things to make us stronger. Depression is not taken seriously in this world and I saw it for myself. That doesn't mean it's the end. Never give up because somebody loves you.
Ways to get over depression:
- Talk to someone you can trust: It may be hard letting people know, but it's always good to let others hear you talk, it will make you feel better.
- Staying active and healthy: A great way for energy and a little mental detox.
- Please please eat, even if you don't want to: Feed your body, that will also keep you feeling great.
- Most importantly smile, even on the worst days! It will all get better in the end.
Depression is nothing to get over alone. If you know anyone dealing with depression I would love for you to contact me through Madison, I am here with open arms to help anyone in need.
Cover image from Tumblr