I'm not really good at this venting thing, especially to other people, but I feel like this needs to be said. Growing up my mom was a single mother and raised my sister and I by herself. She was my superhero, that's what I called her. I never was asked how I felt about the divorce and how it made me feel. It honestly didn't make me feel like anything up until now. Looking back at my relationship with my dad was pretty much a dead end. We never talked, he doesn't know much about me or what I like, he never was really involved and he never really showed actual love to me. He thought it was easier to buy it. I never had any connection with him, he's a stranger to me. My relationship with my dad brought a lot of problems into my life when I started dating. I developed trust issues thinking every guy would leave so I eased away from really getting close to any guy to protect myself from any hurt that came along the way, it was just easier. I'm 18 and I just got out of a toxic relationship now. I lost myself with him. I didn't really feel like myself. I cried most of the time blaming myself for all the arguments we had. Of course I knew this wasn't healthy for me, but I was in love for what I thought he was.
I began to convince myself I deserved everything that he was doing. I had suicidal thoughts, I lost weight, I was restless and stopped eating at times. I thought myself in to bad moods, most of all I just kept forcing it to work. The truth of the matter is he never loved me. He manipulated me making me feel like everything was my fault, the yelling and screaming was a daily thing. When I finally decided to end it, it was the hardest thing I'd done, but it was for the best. If your in a toxic relationship, get out. You are worth more than that and there are better guys out there that will actually want to be with you and it will be evident. Don't lose hope and don't let your past interfere with future decisions. Love is a great thing, you just have to be patient. Love is never supposed to fail.
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