Being in an emotionally abusive relationship was one of the most exhaustingly consuming things I’ve ever put myself through. It slowly crept up on me, and then suddenly took control of every aspect of my life. I spent all of my time trying to be the very best significant other I could be, but it was never good enough. I took effort out of the other areas in my life to prove myself worthy to a guy that never deserved me. I was constantly manipulated into feeling guilty, believing every lie my significant other told me and making nonstop excuses for him to my friends and family. After a while, the betrayal just became expected and that’s how I knew I deserved better. Nothing is ever good enough for people that are emotionally abusive; they are controlling and will not stop manipulating you until you have the power to end it. Ending an emotionally abusive relationship was one of the most freeing things I’ve ever done and the only thing I regret is that I didn’t do it sooner.
The more I fell out of love with him, the more I began to fall in love with myself. I began to see my best qualities and was finally able to appreciate what makes me the woman I am. I saw myself in a new light and found true happiness. I was finally able to express my strongest opinions and passions, do things I loved, make new friends and spend time with some my favorite people without feeling like I needed to seek approval. I began to sing in the shower, dance around my room like nobody was watching and most importantly, I became my unapologetically silly, corny, goofy self again. Getting ready in the mornings, putting make- up on and getting dressed became my favorite things to do because I began to feel beautiful. All the effort I’d put towards someone else was finally being put towards myself and that’s when I truly began to love myself before another.
Although most people expect me to be heartbroken, upset and damaged, I’m not because I’m so much stronger than that. I now realize that I was never in love with him, I was in love with the person I thought he was. I’m upset that he fooled me for so long and that I gave all of myself to a person that only gave me a fraction of themselves, but I will never blame myself for his mistakes ever again. One of my very best qualities is my ability to give love at such a pure, high intensity. I have a huge heart and always try my very best to see the potential in people and the best qualities in which they hold. I wont let myself become bitter or hopeless about love, because I know it’s out there and I know it’s real. The wrong person can only do as much damage as you let them. I now know that as long as I stay genuine and faithful, I don’t have anything to regret or feel guilty about. Ending an emotionally abusive relationship was the best choice I’ve ever made for myself and I’ll never let another person control and manipulate my life again. I love myself way too much now.
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