Losing A Father To Bad Habits

Losing A Father To Bad Habits

Early into my life, when I was about two years old, my biological dad left me and left my one year old brother. He wanted bigger and better things in his life and to him those things were drugs, other women, and being put behind bars. My dad would call me every couple months and make some sort of promise and big plans with me. I knew never to get overly excited because it happened all the time where he would makes plans and ditch out and never call me back, but I couldn’t help but be a little upset. I was lucky if I even had got to see him on Christmas day every year. My dad worked out of the state which I know is difficult and can make it a big struggle to get back home but the promises and the small number of phone calls destroyed me. 

After seeing him once a year, he quit his job and found himself a loving girlfriend whom I adored. She was good for him, she made him do the things he needed to do, like get a new job, quit the drugs, call his kids and get them over to their apartment and show that he loves us. She wasn’t the stereotypical “stepmom”, she really cared and I loved that she had changed his ways. A few years later they weren’t doing so good, he broke up with her and sadly she couldn’t take that pain and OD on pain medication. She passed shortly after that and he got back into his old ways. Partying and drugs were once again his top priority. My father got his job back and again, he was on the run. Never hearing from him, no texts, no calls, nothing from him. I went on with my life and tried not to let the pain show.

I didn't want my family to know I cared because in their eyes he was no good, so I acted like it was nothing. They seemed to not see through my glossy eyes that there was clearly tears right there, about to fall down my face any second. He started to try to talk to me again, but this time it was to buy my love, he wanted me to love him and wanted me to know that he loved me, I let him pretend it worked. In all reality though, I have never really been okay. According to Census Fatherhood kids who do not have their biological dads in the picture are three times more likely to have mental health issues. 

My dad would buy me concert tickets, he would send me hundreds of money and think he could get my love in return. He never paid his child support and for awhile my mom left it alone. She had known he'd been struggling and thought he'd be able to make it up another time with all the money he made from work… But now, he owes my mom 30,000 dollars in back child support because he never paid it. He will be paying my mom until the day I die. I remember one moment my mother went to call my dad about child support and he said he'd paid it, he said it was all in there and when she checked her account, there was 36 cents in her account because the money he thought he had didn't go through, he was poor and the buying of the dope had caught up with him. 

My parents were former drug addicts, it's not something to be proud of but yes, I do come from drug addicts, when I was born I was sent to live with my grandparents because my parents were still teenagers and still wanted that high. I was about six years old when I was sitting in the car with my dad, grandma, and great grandma and we were on our way home from the store and I remember my dad freaking out, he had started screaming and kicking my grandma’s seat while she was driving. The next thing I remember is looking at my dad and I see him pull out his ice breaker container and pull out a tiny little piece of paper. I remember my grandma screaming and telling him to stop, but he just kept freaking out so we had to pull over and call the cops.

I will never forget that day. The day my father did LSD with me sitting not even a whole inch away from him. I had never been more scared and frightened in my life. When I was about three years old, my mother put down her dope and now has been 14 years sober. My dad on the other hand, isn't sober. He was put in jail in January and had never told me or my mother about it until about March, he had his leaves for work and then he was to return back to his cell. He had his phone and everything and not once did he call us to let us know or to even catch up. Yes, he was probably ashamed but that's not how he needs to handle situations. I found out on May 21st that my dad had been in jail since January. I had gotten a call from my Grandma Cindy, my dad's mom, to come out and pick up some clothes she had for me. So I had my friend bring me out there and right as I pulled in, my dad is sitting outside waiting for me. I get out of the car and he tells me about his jail experience and that he got out a week prior to when we talked.

He acted like I had just seen him, not that it had been two years like it really was. I didn’t know what to say or do so I just smiled, in my pained eyes, I smiled like it was all okay. I said goodbye to him and again, I still haven’t heard from him. Teenagers all around the world go through neglect from their fathers. My story is one of the many stories being told. Kids begin to feel alone and worthless when they come to realize that their fathers left them. We aren’t alone in this world, people feel hopeless and down in these situations but there is someone there who is willing to listen.