Behind my smile is a hurting heart, behind my laugh I’m falling apart. Look closely at me and you will see, the girl I am, it isn’t me… People think depression is sadness. People think depression is crying. People think depression is dressing in black, but people are wrong. Depression is the constant feeling of being numb. Being numb to emotions, being numb to the constant pain, and just being numb to the world as a whole. You wake up in the morning just to go back to bed again. Days aren’t really days; they are just unbearable obstacles that need to be faced. How do you face those obstacles? Through medication, through drinking, through smoking, through drugs, through cutting. When you’re depressed, you grasp on to anything that can get through the day. That’s what depression is, not sadness or tears, it’s the overwhelming sense of numbness, and the desire for anything that can help you make it from one day to the next. I’m tired of trying, sick of crying, I know I’ve been smiling, but inside I’m dying. Nobody knows or understands how hard it is to wake up & deal with this everyday. Depression to me overall is not wanting to be alive. I knew it became bad when I would wake up in the mornings, and the only thing I'd looked forward to was going back to bed for the rest of the day. It is like i'm drowning, and nobody sees my struggle. It's not the feeling of completeness I need, but the feeling of not being empty.
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