Depression and anxiety are the worst feelings emotionally. I've struggled with depression since the age of 11. Depression can start at such a young age and it can make you feel like you're absolutely trapped in pure darkness and it can make your heart feel shattered in a million pieces for no apparent reason. I tend to cry at things for no apparent reason, I just feel emotionally drained. I have nights where I stay up all night thinking about the past and what things could be like if I didn't have depression.
Growing up, I didn't really know how to deal with it. I thought it would go away right away, maybe if i slept a few days it would be gone I told myself. That really wasn't the case. I found out as I grew older, the more lonelier I got. The more friends I lost. The more stress that you had on your shoulders. I've had days where I would wake up and thank god for being alive to see a better day, as well as days where I wouldn't want to do anything but be alone with my phone off isolated from the world.
Anxiety doesn't help much. I've just recently developed it. I have anxiety about almost everything the normal things such as homework, what to wear for school, etc. but I also think deeply and constantly about other things, for example someone might say that they don't like me and I'll constantly question myself about what I did wrong or question everything about myself and even though I shouldn't, I have a bad habit of telling myself to change for someone. My anxiety also causes me to have a hard time looking people in the eyes when having a conversation. For no reason I just start to feel uncomfortable and awkward and I tend to look away. The random panic attacks that make my chest cave in doesn't make my life much easier either. I have so many fears in my head that are uncontrollable. Sometimes I wish I could take it all away. Through everything, I've somewhat managed to deal with my anxiety and depression. I find it easiest to distract myself with anything that I possibly can. I frequently work on my interests instead of letting my depression and anxiety get the best of me. To me, sitting outside for a little while and listening to music calms me down and makes me forget about the world. It takes me away from all of my worries for a short amount of time.
I don't let my mental illnesses get the best of me anymore. It made me into the person that I am today and sure I am going to have times where I feel like absolute hell but those times make me stronger than the person that I was yesterday.