My Personal Struggle With Depression And Anxiety

My Personal Struggle With Depression And Anxiety

Depression and anxiety are the worst feelings emotionally. I've struggled with depression since the age of 11. Depression can start at such a young age and it can make you feel like you're absolutely trapped in pure darkness and it can make your heart feel shattered in a million pieces for no apparent reason. I tend to cry at things for no apparent reason, I just feel emotionally drained. I have nights where I stay up all night thinking about the past and what things could be like if I didn't have depression. 

Growing up, I didn't really know how to deal with it. I thought it would go away right away, maybe if i slept a few days it would be gone I told myself. That really wasn't the case. I found out as I grew older, the more lonelier I got. The more friends I lost. The more stress that you had on your shoulders. I've had days where I would wake up and thank god for being alive to see a better day, as well as days where I wouldn't want to do anything but be alone with my phone off isolated from the world.

Anxiety doesn't help much. I've just recently developed it. I have anxiety about almost everything the normal things such as homework, what to wear for school, etc. but I also think deeply and constantly about other things, for example someone might say that they don't like me and I'll constantly question myself about what I did wrong or question everything about myself and even though I shouldn't, I have a bad habit of telling myself to change for someone. My anxiety also causes me to have a hard time looking people in the eyes when having a conversation. For no reason I just start to feel uncomfortable and awkward and I tend to look away. The random panic attacks that make my chest cave in doesn't make my life much easier either. I have so many fears in my head that are uncontrollable. Sometimes I wish I could take it all away. Through everything, I've somewhat managed to deal with my anxiety and depression. I find it easiest to distract myself with anything that I possibly can. I frequently work on my interests instead of letting my depression and anxiety get the best of me. To me, sitting outside for a little while and listening to music calms me down and makes me forget about the world. It takes me away from all of my worries for a short amount of time.

I don't let my mental illnesses get the best of me anymore. It made me into the person that I am today and sure I am going to have times where I feel like absolute hell but those times make me stronger than the person that I was yesterday.