Bullied

You know how people always try to tell us that something is impossible, or that we can't do certain things because it's pointless? Yeah, me too. There was a time where I let everyone control what I did. Me, Diamond Alexis Manning. I let everyone walk all on top of me because I'm "too nice of a person". So many people told me to "grow up" because people didn't care about what I had to say. They didn't care if I told them to stop doing a certain thing that didn't make me happy. They didn't care about my depression or my anxiety. They could care less if I had a panic attack or if I hyperventilated. 

It is hard to say that I trust easily... because I don't anymore. It is hard to tell you how many people I've lost because I was depressed, or because I was "different" in any sense. It is so hard to tell you about my past experiences and tell you how much I've grown from them. Never, and I mean never, let ANYONE tell you how to live your life. If you are an 8th grader and you want to choose your high school, DO NOT let your parents tell you what type of high school to go to. I made a mistake and let my mom do that. Luckily, I do like this new school I go to but this was not my career path before. Even when I told her that I wasn't interested, she still put my name into the lottery and she stated, "I'm the adult, you're the child. I get to choose what you do with your life." Yep, said it just like that. She didn't care and I really don't think that she does now.

I love my mom to death, okay, I do. But, when she tries to pick my career path, or when she tries to tell me what college to go to, what state to go to college in, to stay home for college, it gets really freaking annoying. At one point, she tried to tell me that I need to become a lawyer, which I never wanted to become in the first place, because it paid well. So, ultimately, it didn't really matter if I enjoyed the job as long as it paid well. 

I was bullied for 8 years of school, starting in 4th grade, and I just let everyone walk all over me because I was too little or I was too scared to stick up for myself. I was too scared to tell any adults because of what the kids may do to me to make me for pain and to pay for my actions. I didn't want to be the "tattle tail" that everyone hated but I was already the most hated kid in the class. I let everyone tell me what to do, and I listen for fear of getting hurt. I let all the other kids bully me because it didn't matter what i felt, as long as they were happy. I was depressed for all 3 years of middle school due to what people said about me, leading me to the brink of death more than 3 times. I was scared for my life and I was so sad every single day that I didn't want to live. 

I have overcome that. I do not let people walk all over me, I refuse. You can get over whatever is coming your way. Whatever hurt you feel right now is temporary. Whatever you're going through right now is temporary. A bad day does not make it the end of the world, I promise. I've had so many bad days in the past, still do sometimes, but that does not stop me from listening to what I want. Listening to MY own heart, not my mind. Taking the bad thoughts away by talking about them to someone I trust so dearly. Everything does get better. No matter what, please, please don't do anything to hurt yourself. Don't do anything that will cause you or other around you harm, physically and emotionally. 

Take it from me. I've tried to leave this world more than 3 times in my life yet, I'm still here. I'm living and breathing. Whatever you are going through is just a hurdle. You may fall but you do not give up. You get back on your feet and you keep running until you finish strong because you are not a quitter.

Twitter : diamondalexis_

Instagram : diamond.manning

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